This is only part of the story I've written. And it starts from the beggining...
I hope you enjoy it...
"What?!" screamed Ingrid into the mouth piece of the phone. "Are you kidding?"
An answer came from the black, once glossy phone. Ingrid's hand went tight until her knuckles went white.
"No, I'm not."
"Where are you?" Ingrid sighed angrily. She had to pick her little sister up again from another party.
"Try Jasmine's house."
"Whatever and don't be sarcastic to me." Ingrid slammed the phone down. Ingrid angrily got up and walked to the mirror. She adjusted her spiky, metal and leather choker, her hair and her put her Doc Marten's on. She walked out of the house, her iPod on full blast. She got in her black Jeep and closed the door. She angrily slammed her seat belt on, put the key in ignition and roared out of the driveway. She sped down the main road and stopped at a red light briefly. She turned corners and drove along unti
Okay, I'm sorry but I didn't finish reading this before I dropped this comment. The use of the ampersand (the & thingy) is really annoying. Don't use symbols in stories. It makes the story and the writer look lazy.
Like this:
Quote:"& why not?"
Doesn't really qualify as a sentence. It makes it seem like something you'd find in an instant message conversation or something found over myspace, not in a story.
That and this:
Quote:"Whatever & don't be sarcastic to me." Ingrid slammed the phone down. Ingrid angrily got up & walked to the mirror. She adjusted her spiky, metal & leather choker, her hair & her put her Doc Marten's on. She walked out of the house, her iPod on full blast. She got in her black Jeep & closed the door. She angrily slammed her seat belt on, put the key in ignition & roared out of the driveway. She sped down the main road & stopped at a red light briefly. She turned corners & drove along until she got to Jasmine's house. People were all parked out front. Their cars all over the place like a jigsaw that had been turned upside down & the pieces thrown everywhere. Half the cars were destroyed & people were all screaming & running out of the house. Ingrid double parked & ran inside. She plowed past people, her music the only thing keeping her going. She got to the front door & pushed through. She walked in to the lounge room & found Jasmine & her sister standing there, totally oblivious to Ingrid's entrance.
Notice how many times the word "She" started off a sentence. There's no flow from sentence to sentence, which just makes it sound like a big list of what she's doing. Not really all that interesting to the reader.
Now then, I'll have to come back to this story once I'm in a better mood and can actually give a helpful critique. But the repetitive use of ampersands and sentence starters really makes for a dull story. Just saying.
My computer instantly changes it and I'm too lazy to fix it up...so yeah I am lazy,
I didn't even finish reading your comment before I dropped this so yeah
IN UR FACE!!
LOL
Ahaha. Ignore my advice, whatever.
Just a tip though: you're going to piss off your readers if you're too lazy to fix a mistake probably takes a minute or so to fix. People want to be read fluently, not have to sit there and translate what their reading. Why do you think I stopped?
You want readers, you cater to them. Don't make them translate your hieroglyphics.
Fair enough. I'll do that but blame my computer not me, it changes the and's to the stupid &....
*screams into pillow*
I'm over it
................did you fall asleep typing it up? It's like, "She turned corners and drove along unti-"
UNTI WHAT?! XD Unti. Funny. I wish I knew more about the characters.
Posts from before the forum was restored (yes the formatting messed up) :
(05-27-2009 06:31 PM)Wraith Wrote: [ -> ]Yeah I did kinda fall asleep. At the keyboard. All I did was
delete the constant
"ljijijijijijijijijijijijijijijijijijijijijijijijijijijijijij
ijijijijijijijiji"
Seriously. I don't even know what the idea of the story is
and I forgot what was actually happening,
although I did have dream about Ninja Midget's. Their so much
fun.
*giggles hysterically*
Icey Wrote:...did you edit this at all before you posted?
(05-31-2009 08:38 PM)Wraith Wrote: [ -> ]The repeated stuff was an exampl of what I had to edit. I
fell asleep on the keyboard. But I'm not sure if the over and
over thing was necessary. And no I didn't edit it.
*hits head on keyboard repeatedly*
Ninja midgets
(05-31-2009 09:40 PM)Icey Wrote: [ -> ]....well, you should really edit whatever it is you're
posting before you actually post it. Otherwise it makes you
look lazy and sloppy as a writer. Just saying.
I am a lazy and sloppy writer. It's only when I like the story that it actually makes sense and looks good.
Well, see, if you post a story, it's kind of expected that you released it "as is" to the best of your abilities. Because on other sites with writers, they would have torn you apart for giving them a half-assed work, which might be considered a waste of time and effort on both their part as readers and critics; as well as yours as a writer. And if it's "only the stories that you like" that actually receive your time and effort, why waste other people's time and effort with something you obviously didn't put any into? Or, why waste time writing and posting at all?
But hey, you're probably not hardcore serious writer like I am. So to each their own, I guess.
I only saw this, like today, and I'm sure you know how much I want to delete so many of these of posts. Unfortunatly, I know that there is a very low probablity of that and haven't bothered to thalk to you about it. So there ;p Anyway, I know that you and I were on uneven ground in this discussion much earlier in my authour days and I found offense to this comment.
Eh,
*shrugs*
Never mind.